A Likely Story
Yeah, Steve says he was hanging out with Pete Doherty playing Xbox 360.
But our operatives know the real story.
April 15, 2007
August 2, 2006
"Cry Havoc, and Let Slip The, Uh . . . Llamas of War"
The Llamas get called up.
More Llamas at War pics here.
(Image courtesy of this site)
(Image courtesy of Israellycool)
June 10, 2006
Llama House
The Llamas are reminiscing about their college experiences . . .
It seems they were Deltas.
Dean Wormer: I've got their disciplinary files here. Who dumped a whole truckload of fizzies into the swim meet? Who delivered the medical-school cadavers to the alumni dinner? Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear. Every spring, the toilets explode.Greg: You're talking about the Llamas, sir.
Now Steve-O I can see as a Delta. He has that certain amoral je ne sais quoi about him.
But Robbo? Please. I see him as belonging in a slightly different house.
May 23, 2006
Alert: Video of Goldstein's Armadillo
The Llamas suspect him (the Armadillo) as being part of the neocon conspiracy. But we know who he is -- he's the guy who taunts us every Friday night by his refusal to dance.
May 13, 2006
This Week on 24
This week, on a very special edition of 24 . . .
April 12, 2006
"Better Change The Protocols, Chloe . . ."
"Looks like the Llamas have been hacking into the mainframe again."
Full sized version here.
UPDATE: Yeah, I haven't forgotten his partner in crime, either . . . .
December 20, 2005
Now This Is Just Wrong
I mean, the world is simply not ready for this kind of movie.
Even the movie poster is offensive. I have to put it beneath the fold so as to not damage young, impressionable eyes.
December 5, 2005
The Llama Stalkers?
Has the Llamas' relentless stalking of Melissa Theuriau led her to wear a whistle around her neck for self-protection?
Developing . . .
November 22, 2005
Heh.
Check out the holiday logo that my friends are running.
November 16, 2005
Keep Dreaming, Llamas
Keep dreaming, Llamas.
Somehow, though, I think this is a little more realistic.
Steve: "Of all the gin joints in all the Andes, she had to walk into mine . . ."
Robbo: "So . . . come here often?"
November 3, 2005
Personality Test
Via the Llamas, comes this test. I usually score as an INTJ on these tests, though occasionally I show up as an INTP, like Steve-O.
INTJ's usually end up as Bond villains.
These results will probably surprise no one who knows me -- well, actually, Mrs. Colossus will be surprised to hear that I dislike repeating myself, because she'll tell you it's all I do. But that's more of a fault of memory than of temperment.
You scored 0% I to E, 36% N to S, 80% F to T, and 21% J to P!
As a romantic partner, you can be both fascinating yet demanding. You are not apt to express your emotions, leaving your partner wondering where they are with you. You strongly dislike repeating yourself or listening to the disorganized process of sorting through emotional conflicts. You see your own commitments as self-evident and don't see why you need to repeat something already expressed. You have the most difficulty in admitting your vulnerabilities. You feel the most appreciated when your partner admires the quality of your innovations and when they listen respectfully to your ideas and advice. You need plenty of quiet to explore your interests to the depth that gives you satisfaction.
Your group summary: rationals (NT)
Your type summary: INTJ
| Link: The LONG Scientific Personality Test written by unpretentious2 on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test |
September 12, 2005
A Clockwork Llama?
I'm thinking that me and my droogs might be paying a certain Llama a visit. Seems he's been govoreeting some pretty bad things about old Ludwig van. Nothing like a good tolchocking to improve a Llama's hearing, I always said.
August 24, 2005
The Llamas Are Back Up!
MuNuvia is back! Pixy has saved the ship!
Many thanks to Robbo the Llama for guesting here while his site was down. Keep the keys, Robbo and Steve, for future use in an emergency, or if you're bored.
We are, after all:
The Official FEMA-Approved LlamaButcher Sanctuary
UPDATE: You may ask, why am I thanking the Llamas for being my guests? I'll tell you in two words: Traffic, baby! I had double the normal traffic here with Robbo in here today.
Ebb and Flow
The Puppy Blender picks up on a question posed by The Anchoress about where all the momentum has gone in the Bush White House.
I think there are two reasons for the current sense of drift. First, it is summer, and things naturally slow down here in Dee Cee.
Second, though, I have noticed a pattern since Dubya first ran for Prez back in 2000, an ebb and flow of energy. He'll go like gangbusters for a while and then coast. And just when supporters start getting very nervous and opponents start getting over-confident, he springs to life again. I tell you truly that I've seen this happen time and again. And if I were a betting man, I'd lay money that we're going to see another outburst of energy within the next few weeks.
As Long As That Mouth Is Open, Why Not Shove The Foot In Deeper?
Pat Robertson says his remark that Hugo Chavez should be assassinated was "misinterpreted".
"I said our special forces could take him out. Take him out could be a number of things including kidnapping," Robertson said on his "The 700 Club" television program.
Yeah, I'm sure what Robertson really had in mind was just dinner and a movie.
Good Lord!
The Missus stumbled across this in a kid's catalog. Since when did nice, wholesome Nancy Drew suddenly morph into an Anime Babe?
One wonders what might happen the next time she teams up with the Hardy Boys.
Is nothing sacred?
Connecting the Dots
Boom
Today is the anniversary of the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius in 79 AD that took out Pompeii and Herculaneum. Here is an eye-witness account written by Pliny the Younger, whose uncle, Pliny the Elder (the local naval commander and an amateur know-it-all), was killed in the eruption.
Not A Bad Way To Go
Wh-Wh-W-WHOOP Them Boys!
Here's some good news: The NCAA reportedly is going to let Florida State keep its Seminoles mascot, contrary to an earlier decision to lump the school in with other Indian-mascoted schools recently banned from using their mascots in post-season appearances. The NCAA cited the relationship between FSU and the Seminole tribe as the reason for its reversal.
I must say that I find this whole business of wrangling over the political correctness of school mascots to be immensely tarsome, nothing more than an exercise in political mau-mauing. My college mascot was the Cardinals. Whoop-de-freakin'-do, but at least it's safe until the Audobon Society gets its nose out of joint. On the other hand, my law school mascot was the Generals, as in Washington and Lee. I imagine it's only a matter of time before the p.c. police come gunning for that one.
Dude! Can We, Like, Crash Here For A While?
Goooood Morning, Rhodes!
Robbo the Llama Butcher here.
Many thanks to our pal the Colossus for giving us a set of keys to the place. The mu.nu server, on which we usually lurk, has undergone some kind of catastrophic event failure, leaving us unable to get into our own blogpad.
So while our all-powerful Emperor Pixy is fixing things, we'll just park ourselves here. Mind if we take our shoes off? And what's in the fridge? Dude - got any Iron Maiden?
Yip! Yip! Yip!
August 4, 2005
Top Ten Places Robbo The Llama Should Go While's He's On Vacation In Maine
Robbo the Llama is going on vacation in Maine. Here are my top ten suggestions of places he should go while he's there.
In no particular order.
10. Boothbay Harbor. Typical scenic smalltown with harbor, etc. Many small shops for the missus. Alernative town for this sort of thing is Camden.
9. Statue of Paul Bunyan, Bangor. For a picture, naturally. Nothing else to see in Bangor except for Stephen King's house, so get back on the highway. Well, actually, I suppose you could stop by Brewer to see the statue of Chamberlain. NOTE: if you make this pilgrimage, it's quite a long journey, and your girls will get pretty sick of it pretty fast. Two boxes of Salt Water Taffy, mimimum, for the backseat.
8. Two Lights, Cape Elizabeth. The snack bar there has some very good, and pretty inexpensive lobsters. This is for your bargain lobster meal. UPDATE: It's actually called The Lobster Shack.
7. Spurwink Country Kitchen, Scarborough. Best fried clams in the world, bar none. Get there early. It's small and out of the way, but by 6:30, it will be crowded. Scallops are great, also, but the fried clams are the best.
6. The beach at Ogunquit. It is slowly becoming the Provincetown of the north, though, so you might have only a few more summers to make it before it becomes "chaps and harness" required, and not suitable for the kids. (I'm sorry, can I still say that in America? I should say "unless you want to explain to your five year old why those two men in front of you are kissing." If you're up for that discussion after a long drive in the car with the kids, then have at it.) Old Orchard Beach can certainly do in a pinch.
5. The Pier, Old Orchard Beach. At night, three quarters drunk, is best. Two words for you: pier fries. When you're drinking, the magical pull of those two words is irresistible. Lots of salt, lots of vinegar.
4. The Steakhouse, Wells. After you've eaten all the seafood you can stand, you can cleanse the palate here. Rare means rare, too.
3. L.L. Bean's, Freeport. Take a picture in front of the canoes, as is required by Preppy law.
2. Polo Ralph Lauren Factory Store, Freeport. While you're there. A good place to stock up on business casual.
1. The top of Mount Battie, Camden. A great view of a beautiful harbor.
June 28, 2005
Heh.
Indeed. Not another blogger alive who could write this post. It has it all. Fondness for the books over the cartoons, fondness for the classic cartoons over the newer ones, and, at the end, a Wodehouse angle on it.
I saw this story last night on the news and considered a "Serial Killer Stalks Poo" angle, but really, you need Robbo the Llama to do this kind of thing justice.
June 27, 2005
I, For One, Welcome Our New Llama Overlords . . .
One thing is for certain. There's no stopping them; the Llamas will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome our new llama overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted bronze statue, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground blogging caves.
June 20, 2005
Llama Juggernaut Halted!
The blogosphere breathed a collective sigh of relief as the recent onslaught of the Llamabutchers on the TTLB rankings has been halted.
Although the Llamas were able to roll past Wonkette and even James Lileks, their ferocious onslaught has finally been stopped by the milblogger Blackfive, the Paratrooper of Love:
To paraphrase the famous 82d Airborne Recruiting poster . . .
June 13, 2005
And You Think My Sports Coverage Is Tough?
The Llamas sucker-punch Mike Tyson. Ouch.
June 7, 2005
Llamas Atop Arianna!
(Snapshot of the TTLB Ecosystem today)
The Llamabutchers -- now bigger than Arianna Huffington. And closing fast on Lileks.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?
--WB Yeats
UPDATE: Phin provides photographic evidence. Disturbing.
June 1, 2005
The Llamas Have Done It!
They have now, officially, passed Wonkette in the TTLB ratings!
I'm predicting it all goes bad, though, when Llama Steve claims that the Llamas are now "more popular than Jesus". Mocking the brazen and immoral (such as Wonkette) is one thing. But you go after Jesus, and, well, there is hell to pay.
Actually, the Llamas are getting into the high end of the blogosphere. They are above Wretchard the Cat. Immediately above them is Aussie blogger Tim Blair. A mere seven slots above them is the legendary James Lileks. And they are a mere 25 slots away from the gob-smackingly vile Andrew Sullivan, which I know fills me with heart-ache and chagrin.
Can Llama radio be far behind?
May 31, 2005
Springsteen -- or T.S. Eliot?
The Llamas have been playing with Babelfish. I thought I'd try a little of The Boss on "the little translation engine that could."
Original lyrics here. Translated from English to German, German to French, and French back to English.
I actually think the result is quite interesting and poetic. It reminds me vaguely of Eliot's The Waste Land.
But then again, so did the original.
And so, actually, does everything.
So with apologies to Springsteen and Eliot, I bring you:
Baby Tramps, Us Born, To Run
The day, us in the roads of an American dream to cross us by the villas of re-elected in the apparatuses of suicide let us lead the night outside, lead the executives on the road, the chromium which one turns, of fuel injected and steppin' on the line the baby to result outside these Stadtrips the bones from your back him a trap of death is outside, him, real to sweat of 9 Selbstmordpochen received us to leave while us young person
the Tramps cause like being to us, the baby had been born to us,
to make run of Wendy left me, who would like to be I your friend, to me your dreams to protect inside would like and of the sights precisely with the entour your legs those roll up us, until we fall, baby to run never make go from return us will, to go outside you with me on a control
because the baby, me a mitfahrer frightened and only satisfied to discover me however received, as it believes that I would like to know, if loves are wild, of the girls me to know would like, if the love is true
beyond the palate cries the bumblebees hemi-angetriebene to the bottom the road of luxury which are thus strong the girls their hair in rearview the mirrors to comb and the boys to try to look at
of park of entertainment which is fatty and the rigid kids on the beach in a pressing fog I would like to die with you wendy
on that a last fortuitous device control each one on the race is accumulated outside this however there evening, is not place to dissimulate on the left,
together wendy saw us with Traurigkeit which me it with that of Verruecktheit entireties in my one girl day heart expensive, me does not know, when us in this place, which we will come to really go would like and we with the sun go, however, until as we are then
the baby tramps, us born, to run . . .
Linking For The Cause
Go Llamas! Beat Wonkette!
May 23, 2005
I Am a B-52 Stratofortress . . .
Quiz from the Llamas. Somehow seems appropriate.
| What military aircraft are you? B-52 Stratofortress You're a B-52. You are old and wise, and you absolutely love destruction. You believe in the principle of "peace through deterrence" and aren't afraid to throw your weight around.
|
| Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests. |
May 17, 2005
Worth a Laugh
It took me a second to figure out who the Llamas were supposed to be today (the photoshopping is not exactly Allah-worthy, but I did get a chuckle out of it).
Question for Steve-O -- could you light a cigarette with a light saber or would it just disintegrate it? Not to venture off into Derbyshire-esque nerdiness or anything . . .
And Robbo: it's a good look. You should consider keeping it.
April 26, 2005
Your Inner European?
A fitting test, since later in the week, I will be on the old continent. Robert the Llama posted it -- he is an Italian, deep down.
My inner European is Irish.
| Your Inner European is Irish! |
You drink everyone under the table. |
Actually, it's my outer European, as well, as I carry around with me an Irish surname. I am, however, more Slovak than Irish, with a little French Canadian thrown in.
All of them are races prone to gloominess, pessimism, and drink, so I guess the test is accurate, at some level.
March 17, 2005
The Llama Enters The Mouse's Lair
El Llama Roberto visits Disneyworld.
Part I of the Series.
Part II of the Series.
It appears Llamas and mice don't mix.
January 18, 2005
Llamas on a Tear
In the most recent Truth Laid Bear Ecosystem Ratings, the Llama Butchers are now ranked 85th. This is an amazing run. When I first started reading the Llamas, they were somewhere in the 400s.
Now, as anyone knows, the Ecosystem fluctuates as NZ Bear tweaks the code behind it. But I think that my friends the Llamas have truly arrived.
If you don't read them you should. Steve and Robert have a lot of good insights into the world, and run a very entertaining and thought-provoking blog.
And you know what? They didn't pay me anything to write this.
January 17, 2005
The Llamas Take on Barney
It appears that the Llamas have a similar recurring nightmare to my own -- the day when Barney finally turns on humanity.
Great stuff.
January 11, 2005
Surely the Llamas are Just Teasing Us
Surely the Llamas are just teasing us.
Surely we will see them put up their traditional logo today.
UPDATE: Order has been restored to the universe. The Llamas are back with the traditional cigarette smoking, sunglasses-wearing logo. I thought that maybe since they've hit the big time, they didn't bother with things like logos anymore. A top 100 blog. And they poll even better in the critical Wodehouse-blog demographic.
December 27, 2004
Can Do Attitude
The Llamas are discussing the "some assembly required" meme and the endless carping about it that some lily-livered sorts are doing.
I think the rise in complaining about assembly instructions is directly attributable to the downfall of the Erector set as a common Christmas gift.
Used to be we taught kids that the joy of Christmas was building stuff with no instructions but the M1A1 Imagination they had in their heads. Now we complain that everything is too difficult to figure out without nanny holding our collective little hands.
Instructions? We don't need no stinkin' instructions! And bring back the Erector set!
December 20, 2004
Replacing Christmas
The Llamas have a post up on The Meaning of Christmas which focuses on the moment in the old, classic Charlie Brown Christmas where Linus recites Luke 2:8-14.
As usual, the Llamas have it right; this is they key moment of the cartoon, and indeed, of the season.
And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
Luke is the only one of the Four Gospels to give us the Nativity story; in my opinion it was included in the Bible by the church fathers largely because of it. I will stipulate, of couse, that I am no Bible scholar.
When I watch the old Christmas classics, I am struck by how impossible it would be to make them today. Not technologically, of course; they are almost laughably crude by today's animation standards. But who would approve the script? Can you imagine Linus's speech surviving in a cartoon today? I, for one, can't.
Or consider Yukon Cornelius in the Rudolph cartoon -- toting a revolver in his belt. Considering the "zero tolerance" policy of schools today, where suspensions are issued for toy guns brought into a school, and ask yourself -- would Yukon Cornelius survive a panel of scriptwriters today?
Clearly he is -- like Yosemite Sam -- an archetype of the adventurer -- the red beard to trigger in our Western European collective unconscious the image of the Viking, with the gun added as a modern excalamation point.
Modern plush-toy versions of Yukon have removed the gun, leaving him only with a pickaxe. So I guess that answers the question. Yukon? Maybe. Guns? Nope.
At some point, I imagine the old cartoons and claymation stories will "get the axe", too, and will be replaced by some transcultural postmodern abomination that repurposes Christmas into something other than the birth of Christ. Of course, some of the Christmas stories -- Rudolph included -- are already post-Christian in their viewpoint. Though they are, from the viewpoint of the modern culture, sinners in their own right, at least they aren't overtly Christian.
So I'm betting that Linus will go long before Rudolph does.
Of course, you cannot banish myths. Ask the Communists if they could root out religion. Myths, especially religious ones, will morph into other things. Eliminate Christ, banish Santa, and what takes their place?
Perhaps the old gods will rear their heads once again. Saturnalia, anyone? The Myth of Baldur? From a mere storytelling point of view, I wouldn't mind seeing a cartoon that told some good old mythology.
Of course, there is a merit to Christianity -- completely apart from the argument of whether it is true or not -- that makes it different from the old religions. It teaches, through the stories and the figure of Christ, the notion of mercy, forgiveness, and repentance. It also teaches of an afterlife in which virtue is rewarded and sin is punished. People who would banish Christmas from the public square need to be wary -- because the religious impulse has existed in man since his beginnings. We could, in the name of fairness, banish Christ. But who replaces him?
Benevolent Baal? Merciful Moloch?
Or maybe our current competitor for hearts and minds . . .
December 16, 2004
Happy Birthday, Beethoven
Me and my droogs at the Korova Milkbar want to remind all of you malchicks and devotchkas that today is the birthday of the glorious Ludwig van, whose chodessny Ninth has been the prelude to many a vicious clop and tolchok. Bog himself could not have written it any better, my malenky droogs. So pay homage to the starry, oomny man, or you'll get a good clop in the yarbles from me, you rotten sods.
December 15, 2004
First Ace, Now The Llamas
Guys, you ought to know that the first rule for any man to not look silly is to first of all, be dressed.
The whole point of the virtual model is to use it to shop for clothes. No more disturbing pictures of you in your underwear, gentlemen, please. Looks like a Vietnam draft physical, fer chrissakes!
Now this is stylin' . . .
Or, if you prefer, blogging mode . . .
Or, as I like to imagine,
Hef mode . . .
December 11, 2004
A Sure Way To Get The Llamas to Link To You
Two words: Peggy Noonan.
Peggy has a MUST READ article about the upcoming end of the world inevitable Hillary Clinton Presidential campaign in 2008.
Hat tip . . Wizbang.
December 10, 2004
Llamas Deny Everything!
COLOSSUS EXCLUSIVE!! MUST CREDIT COLOSSUS!!
The Llamas have hired veteran Clinton administration spinmeister Mike McCurry to help defuse the burgeoning Llama sex scandal . . .
Actually, though, it doesn't exactly take Dr. Joseph Newcomer to throw cold water on this partisan hit. While the Llama in back has the same coloring as Llama Steve, he is missing the signature black sunglasses and cigarette -- without which Llama Steve is NEVER SEEN. And clearly, the Llama in the foreground is a light brown llama, while we all know the Llama Robert is also a grey llama. In addition, the llama in the photo is clearly missing the signature sunglasses and black jacket and shirt.
A crude forgery at best, my friends.
UPDATE: This, however, is more disturbing.
UPDATE 2: Carnivorous Conservative has more shocking photographic evidence.
